It's not really Paradise...but...
My Boss
I clearly remember one idle afternoon in my previous job, my boss, co-teachers and I were talking about relationships. My boss said "when I was still single, I thought that the only thing that would make me happy and contented is a boyfriend. Then, when I had a boyfriend, the only thing that would make me happy and contended is if we get married. When we got married, the only thing that would make me happy and contented is if we have a child...and now...I got married, i have a son...but I still think I need something that will make me more happy and contented." Well, not that my boss is unhappy and uncontented...but it is people's nature to still want to have more.
I was still the "single-since-birth-me" when this conversation occurred. And I was all eyes and ears with my co-teachers' tips and advices and comments regarding relationships. Well, during that time, I was just the single-since-birth club member but I was the ONLY single in the group. Even my friends during that time were in a relationship. And all of my blogs and poems were mostly about love, relationships...and love. I was searching and I was asking when will the right time come when I'll finally find THE ONE..the RIGHT one. And like my boss...I thought that having a boyfriend would be the only thing that would make me happy and contented. And so I waited...
A Single's Perspective
I used to believe in signs. Pink butterfly, orange flower, blue bird, etc...I thought that if I see these signs I have found the one. Maybe because I was asking for something I thought was out of this world then I was able to see it. Probably many people believe in signs as well, but let me be the first to say (or maybe someone has already said the same thing also) that signs, even if you see them do not mean that you have found your one true love. Before, I really thought that signs mean everything. "I saw this sign, and this, and that..." and I believed it was love and that he "should" like me...but that guy did not court me; talked to me-yes, but...for him I was just a classmate. It took me a long time to realize that. I asked for signs in high school..I asked for signs in college...I asked for signs even when I was already working. I only gave up when I got pissed off like I've never been before. (I wrote about it 2 blog entries ago).
I also used to believe that in case I'll have a boyfriend, I will have a perfect relationship. No fights, no jealousy, no controversies...I'm the kind of person who always thinks and cares about what other people will say that's why I am very careful of my actions. And because of that trait that I have I really thought that I can handle my relationship perfectly. it will be as if we are in Paradise, in a perfect world. I'll have a boyfriend who is a gentleman, understanding, thoughtful, someone who is good in Math, loves kids, ...and the list goes on. Yes..I actually have a list of the qualities I look for in a boyrfriend. Bo Sanchez actually said that it is good to have a list of qualities you look for in a person. But he also said that it should be flexible...but not too flexible. If you know what you like, you'll have no problem in choosing which suitor you'll say yes to. But my suitors were really rare. They were rare and I really thought they were not serious (and I was actually right). I used to think that I'll be single until probably I'm 27 or 28...then I would count how many years are left before I reach that age, and then I would sort of worry for my future. But you see, even if I was already worrying about my future, and I was at the point of being frustrated and kind of jealous of people who are in a relationship, I never just said "yes" to anyone. I would rather be the single-since-birth girl than be in a relationship with someone I am not really sure of. And as I said, they come so rare...but I never just grabbed the opportunity. I never grabbed the chance until I found the "ONE"....unexpectedly.
The Unexpected
Good things do come when you least expect it. My boyfriend came to my life unexpectedly. A fight with someone seemed endless, I was feeling so crappy because of it and I was detaching myself from the people surrounding me that time. Then, one day when I was surfing the net, a message popped up. It was him. We really do not know each other. We were never classmates. We don't even know how we got added to each others' YM list (we still don't know up to now). All we know was we were high school batchmates and that we were partners during hs graduation. It was cloudy in my world then slowly sunshine brightened everything. When he came, my problems just started to fade. I was slowly being my happy self again. My frown turned upside down. Even though we didn't talk a lot at first, I became happier as each days pass. People noticed the change in me. I was ready to move on from the bad storm that almost made me give up.
I actually stopped expecting and I did not apply my previous "I-think-he's-crush-material-i-like-him-na" attitude and just went with the flow. It was really fine for me if he would just want friendship. I just never thought that a previous batchmate would actually want to be my friend. And then, he suddenly would want to hang out with me. Friends told me he's already courting but I did not listen...I don't know if I was clueless or I was just in denial. Or maybe I just became careful because of past experiences with the suitors. I won't believe unless there's proof. Then one Thursday night, after my grad class, he was there. With a blue rose in his hand, and a smile on his face. It was a surprise visit. Then something just happened in me. I started to believe in him. I started to care about him. I started to love him.
It's Not Really Paradise...But...
When we became a couple, I told him that I hope we'll never have fights or misunderstandings. He said those things are part of any relationships, we just have to be able to handle things the right way. And we should always have to work things out no matter how difficult it is. Our first month went smoothly. I actually still could not believe that I have a boyfriend. Then, barely two months into the relationship we received a news. I could not believe it actually happened, but it did. Thankfully, we were able to go through with it. And we came out of it unshaken and our bond became stronger.
As of January 7, 2010, we are in our 6th month as a couple. Many past beliefs became myths, and new learnings and realizations took place. We still have a long way to go but we're taking each day one step at a time. Yes, we already had misunderstandings (thank God we still haven't fought) but like our first challenge we were unshaken. We were able to work out things. And we continued loving each other.
It is not really like Paradise where everything is so perfect. But the love that two people have for each other makes everything feel so right and, yeah, almost perfect. There are no formulas or rule books in relationships. You just learn through experience. As for me, I apply trust and understanding in our relationship. I follow my instincts. I follow my heart. You will know when you've made a wrong decision. When you've made one, do not let pride get in the way. Say sorry. Once may not be enough but it will all be worth it. Specially when you have a boyfriend who loves you so much. Like mine.
Posted by jade7_smile at 12:26 AM | 3 Ang Sumigaw
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) I have finally been able to see live. In case you didn't know, my family from my mother's side is Ilocano. They said Ilocanos are thrifty...how come I am not? Hmmm...hehehe. I enjoyed my 5-day stay in Ilocos... but what I enjoyed more is the food. I think I gained weight in 5 days. I really love provinces. I didn't want to go back to Manila. I have somehow developed an attachment to the place. And then, the surprises of all surprises..."HE" is connected to that place. Pati ba naman sa pagbabakasyon ko andun siya. Tsk tsk!
(yeah a bouncy alien!) 
Cheerios!!!
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.