I don't know why but there's this sudden urge to check my Tabulas (na 2007 pa ang last entry) and read my past blog entries. It is nice to look back. To reminisce. To reflect.
I realized I had so many misconceptions about love (well..puro tungkol sa love ang entries ko eh. hahaha!). I kept on saying "this is different", "i am in love"...but actually, it is only now that I learned how "different" really feels like and how i am sure that i am really in love. My first entry about it was in 2004. "When I Fall in Love" is the title of my very first blog post. It is really funny because there are some parts where I can still relate to and other parts that I really want to delete right now. hahahaha! But hey, that was how I perceive things back then. I still have feelings (or so I thought) for my high school crush, I was really optimistic that I could somehow catch his attention...but oh well...nothing happened really after we parted ways in high school.
As I read on, I noticed that the misconceptions were still there, but at least I was getting over "him" slowly...even entertaining feelings for someone else (na..hindi pa rin nag work out kasi nga crush lang yun at unrequited pa rin..hahaha!). I was in a "1 vs 2" mode, I was struggling to keep my feelings for someone....and all of these were just misconceptions that I am in love. Yup, I thought I was. But see...all of these ended the same way (well...for the most part of it). No, no, no...they were not love at all. (Filipino mode tayo) At itataga ko yan sa bato. I realized that it is not love if you have doubts; if there many unsure feelings; if you are already hurting (kahit wala pa naman). Sabi nga sa isang quote: "The only way that I can hurt you...is by hugging you too tight."
Forward lang tayo sa 2009 ha.
I have these realizations because probably I am older now (and hopefully, wiser) and because of the many experiences I had since the start of the year. I said it is not love if you have doubts and unsure feelings. I had a lot of those in the past and also this year. Buti na lang, mind-over-heart mode ako palagi. I learned that no one has the right to dicatate how you should feel for them. Hindi nila kailangang pangunahan yung sitwasyon. There was a time (early this year) when I became so confused because of this person. We had a confrontation and he said it was just nothing. I accepted his answer and realized that he was just being nice and I thought everything will be normal again. But no..he made it worse. I gave both of us a chance to get to know each other, then I realized that I am only seeing things that I don't like about him. I can't stand him. I get irritated by him. And so on and so forth. And he could not accept my decision. I should've known better. It became a battle between me and him at ang kanyang mga alepores. I was fighting the battle alone; while him..he has these people who sent messages to me even approaching me just to tell me to give him another chance. One word: JERK. And i am just glad I said NO to him. But as they say, there is sunshine after every storm. After all these mayhem, I realized that God really loves me and that he really cares. He gave me people who stayed by my side (they know better para di na lang patulan yung jerk na yun), and he even introduced someone who makes me smile every single day.
I am happy.
Because of him.
No guy has ever attempted to visit me at 11 in the evening (just to see me) except him. No guy has ever asked me if they could come with me to work just to help me carry stuff and even agreed to stay until morning because of it except him. No guy has ever told me that they're having mixed emotions because of helping out at a feeding program except him. No guy has ever told me I look pretty even without make-up except him. No guy has personally asked me out except him. No guy has ever written me a 3-page message just to tell me how he feels for me except him. No guy has ever surprised me by fetching me from school and giving me a blue rose and holding my hand except him. No guy, I can honestly say, has ever made me feel so happy like this before except him. Everything is so clear to me. I can actually explain why this is different. It really feels so good inside. I am sure. I have no doubts. I am blessed.
As I said a while ago, it is nice to look back. There are just so many lessons to be learned in life. I'm glad that God is always here, watching and guiding and loving us.
Currently feeling: calm
)
) I have finally been able to see live. In case you didn't know, my family from my mother's side is Ilocano. They said Ilocanos are thrifty...how come I am not? Hmmm...hehehe. I enjoyed my 5-day stay in Ilocos... but what I enjoyed more is the food. I think I gained weight in 5 days. I really love provinces. I didn't want to go back to Manila. I have somehow developed an attachment to the place. And then, the surprises of all surprises..."HE" is connected to that place. Pati ba naman sa pagbabakasyon ko andun siya. Tsk tsk!
(yeah a bouncy alien!) 
Cheerios!!!
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.